Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

When Maharaja Jilani Jung Jung Bahadur was born, the astrologers had foretold that one day the king would actually have to die. The ten day old Jilani Jung Jung Bahadur started speaking; he told them that all those who were born would have to die one day, he asked them to tell the manner of his death. Everyone stood stunned. An infant born just ten days ago was talking in such a manner .The chief astrologer told the Prince that he was born in hour of the bull. As bull and tiger were enemies therefore his death would come from tiger.

The Maharaja grew stronger and took to tiger hunting. He was overjoyed when he killed the first tiger. When he told the chief astrologer about that, the chief astrologer told him that he may kill 99 tigers but he must be careful with the hundredth one. In ten years he killed 70 tigers .He banned the killing of tigers in Pratibandhpuram .The tiger population had become extinct at Pratibandhpuram . So the maharaja married to a royal family in a state where tiger population was rich . Thus thereby he killed 99 tigers but one was still left . There was no sign of tigers anywhere . Maharaja could not bear any more . He raised the land tax and also dismissed some of his men . There was a tiger brought later for Maharaja . Maharaja took his men for hunt . He shooted the tiger but it missed the tiger .Maharaja did not notice that . Maharaja’s men knew it but they feared that if they tell it to Maharaja , then they may lose their job , so they killed the tiger . But maharaja did not know that he still has one tiger left to be killed .

Maharaja had to attend his 3 year old son’s birthday . He gifted him a wooden tiger . The tiger was made by an unskilled man .Its surface was rough , as a result its sharp edge pierced into Maharaja’s hand . Next day the infection spread into his whole hand and Maharaja at last died .

Thus the fateful hundredth tiger though a wooden one was the cause of the Maharaja’s death and proved the prediction of the astrologer correct.

An old man lived alone in a village. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:

Shortly, the old man received this telegram: ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden!! That’s where I buried the GUNS!!’ At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son’s reply was: ‘Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad.. It’s the best I could do for you from here.’

Moral:
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART YOU CAN DO IT. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS.. NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS….